Today, we are analysing Lord Eddard Stark’s relation ship with Littlefinger, and all the MORTAL mistakes that came following it.

Ned immediately dislikes Lord Petyr Baelish because he knew Littlefinger wanted to put his littlefinger somewhere on his dearest wife, Catelyn Tully-now-Stark (to say simply.)

But Littlefinger doesn’t care (OR DOES HE). He still talks to Ned (because who else is gonna talk to Ned) and informs him of the fact that he’s being followed. It doesn’t matter to Lord Stark! He keeps talking - LOUDLY - of his research of the moment : how the fuck did Jon Arryn die (his goal is to prove that the Lannisters did it, obviously). 

This being done, Littlefinger tries to teach Eddy a lesson on trust :

TRUST NO ONE, basically.

Ned still doesn’t care, because Littlefinger’s giving him some smart tips on how to act from there, and, to prove that he COMPLETELY. MISSED. THE. POINT, he exclaims:

OH. SHIT. SON. 

at first we’re like… amused, in our disbelief …

but then the gravity of the situation hits home and IT HURTS.

NO GIF IN THE WORLD (NOT EVEN THE INFAMOUS ROSE TYLER MOMENT IN DOOMSDAY, NOT EVEN THE UNDYING EDWARD CULLEN) CAN EXPRESS HOW WE FEEL WHEN WE FACE THAT. Oh. my. god. Ned.

We don’t have to wait long for Littlefinger to reply : inside he is probably feeling like a burning firework high on milk of the poppy,

But OUTSIDE. Outside, it’s just his usual face: TROLLFACE.LITTLEFINGER.GIF 

More like this. (note: littlefinger was the trollface meme before the trollface meme even existed.)

And then he leaves, and clueless!Ned is probably thinking “oh, what an ~enigmatic man.” Yes, right. HE GAVE YOU ALL YOU NEEDED TO KNOW : DO NOT TRUST HIM!!!!!

After that, Ned doesn’t lose time to do EXACTLY what Littlefinger told him (talk to the armorer, talk to Robert’s bastards!!!!!!!) and then does exactly what Littlefinger wanted : he comes back to him! Oh lord what do you know of Robert’s bastards? (since apparently they’re enough to make up a whole army, apparently Robert’s a better bastardmaker than a king). But Ned doesn’t like his (enigmatic!) answer so he leaves. Lol Ned.

And finally, Ned discovers the truth. AS SEEN PRECEDENTLY!!!!! Joffrey is not Robert’s son (PLOT TWIST!!!!), the Lannisters must get the fuck out (because obviously honor > iron throne) !!! 

But then something happens that Ned didn’t see happening : ROBERT IS SUDDENLY DYING (~suddenly~). So according to the rule of inheritance in Westeros (women? what is a woman?), Prince Joffrey will be the king as soon as Robert breathes for the last time. And so Ned starts plotting the Future of Westeros™ (= Joffrey CANNOT be the king), all the while thinking EVERYTHING HE WANTS WILL TOTALLY HAPPEN.

And at this moment, he comes back to his now BFF, Lord Petyr Littlefinger Baelish! Because it appears that 1) Littlefinger is the only person he can trust here 2) he can actually trust him. (lmfao)

He proceeds to reveal the BIG TRUTH : THE KING HAS NO TRUEBORN’S SONS ZOMG!!!1111&&!!! And so informs Littlefing’ that obviously He-has-the-personality-of-a-lobster-Stannis-Baratheon is the rightful heir. And Littlefinger seems to disagree, which makes Ned quite angry (there is no unless!!!&&&!) Then Littlefinger tells him to actually make peace and teaches him a lesson in politics that Ned would be wise to listen to - and he should as well remember Cersei’s words: when you play the game of thrones you win or you die THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND. But Ned isn’t trying to win, just to make Joffrey (+ Cersei + the whole Lannisposse) lose. So instead he just tells Littlefinger everything he’s going to do (like he did with Cersei) … and uses Catelyn (YOU PROMISED CAT YOU WOULD HELP ME!!!) to get Littlefinger into his pocket (but Littlefinger wants Catelyn’s pocket (and more)). And then they agree (?) on being allies~ because Ned has the honor and Littlefing’ has the money and clearly the two work very well together. 

And Ned then thinks his plan is sure as hell and HONOR IS COMING™, HONOR WILL WIN THIS TIME.

BUT ALAS :

I DID WARN YOU NOT TO TRUST ME.

OH NED. OH NED. OH LITTLEFINGER. OH NED.

But please let’s take some time to look at Ned’s SURPRISE.

well, someone did not see that coming (unlike winter, yes.)

CONCLUSION:

• HONOR: 100%
• BAD DECISION(S): 100%
• DECISION LIKELY TO RESULT IN SELF-HARM*: 100%
• (*DEATH : 2000000000000 %)
• FAIL : 1000%
• LEVEL OF STARK : 100 GAZILLIONS %

SWEET LITTLE RECAP. Lord Eddard Stark was having some fun being a creeper over the Baratheons’ hair colour (if he hadn’t been a Stark, maybe he would have been a hairdresser? And maybe it would have been a better life for him.)

Let’s see the list: “Lord Orys Baratheon, black of hair. Axel Baratheon, black of hair. Lyonel Baratheon, black of hair. Steffon Baratheon, black of hair. Robert Baratheon, black of hair. “

AND! TADA! Joffrey Baratheon, GOLDEN-HAIRED. *knowing look*.

In this situation, what would any Stark would have done ? : 
HONOR IS COMING™.

Here we are, the following day (well some time after anyway) and Ned, believe it or not, has a plan. And it is a very good plan. YES! LET’S CONFRONT QUEEN CERSEI ! Let’s remember : Ned, at this point, suspects Cersei (and Jaime) of having killed Jon Arryn because he discovered ~*~The Secret*~*, but, yes, yes, yes he is going to tell her that HE ~KNOWS.

~TADANDANDANDANDANDAN~

It is only amusement (with maybe a bit of annoyance) in Cersei’s eyes.

And then they talk some more, like old buddies, and get to the subject of Cersei’s bro Jaime Lannister the Kingslayer™, and even if Cersei clearly understood what Ned meant before (see: ~*~The Secret*~*), he can’t help but brag : 

“YOUR BROTHER, OR YOU LOVER?” lol. lol lol.
The undertone here clearly says : I KNOW THE TRUTH! I KNOW. THE TRUTH. HAHAHA. GOTCHA! I KNOW!

However, there’s no need to sound triumphant too soon, because Cersei is completely laughing at you, dude. I hope you see her eyebrows and her smirk. Even her hair is crying with laughter.

In her head it’s pretty much party in the USA™ version Lannister™ : “Oh Eddard. Oh, Eddard. Eddard Eddard Eddard lol lol (maybe even lmao). I didn’t know any of this shit would be this easy!”

She’s already plotting your end, actually. Not that you, dearest Ned, deeply in love with honor, is seeing it coming (unlike winter, which you’ve seen coming forever ago, I’ve got to give you this one.) 

So, obviously, forever true to himself, Lord Stark keeps attacking bluntly and chooses to give some sound advice to Cersei. Yes, please tell her everything that you’re going to do next. So it isn’t possible for her to make some plans to counter you.

“When the king returns from his hunt, I’ll tell him the truth. You must be gone by then ! You and your children ! I will not have that blood on my hands. Go as far away as you can! With as many men as you can. Because… wherever you go… 
[WHEREVER YOU GO WHATEVER YOU DO I WILL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOUUUUUUUUU WHATEVER IT TAKES OR HOW MY HEART BREAKS I WILL BE HERE WAIIIITING FOR YOU]”

Robert’s wrath will follow you, lol. Ned here tries the use of a sophisticated vocabulary (wrath, lol) with a subtle hint of supernatural business (Robert’s wrath(™) sounds like a ghost, or maybe even a tormented spirit still on Earth) to prophecize tragedy. 

Alas, it does not work. Sadly for Ned, Cersei already knew this word and isn’t impressed : What of my wrath Lord Stark ? (she is after all a Lannister™ from Casterly Rock™). But Ned doesn’t understand that she’s already faced Robert and Robert’s wrath and that obviously she despises him and he isn’t scared. He doesn’t understand, and he doesn’t care! SHE IS GOING TO LEAVE. ! THIS IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. SHE COULDN’T JUST DECIDE TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS AND PRETEND I DIDN’T THREATEN HER. OBVIOUSLY THERE IS NO WAY THAT SHE’S JUST GOING TO IGNORE ME. OR EVEN DEFEAT ME.

So, in the end, he does not grasp the threat and the truth in Cersei’s last words in this magnificent confrontation : “When you play the game of thrones, you win or you DIE. There is no middle ground.” Ned’s probably thinking “ahah this is cool she was trying to be funny~” Yes, hilarious. Please try to remember the dying part in the next (and last, sorry) moments on your life though.

CONCLUSION:

• HONOR : 100%
• BAD DECISION : 100%
• DECISION LIKELY TO RESULT IN SELF-HARM : 100%
• FAIL : 100%
• LEVEL OF STARK : 100%

So it is not a surprise that after this Lord Stark runs away (or stumbles away, I guess) to plot with… of all people… LITTLEFINGER! *ugly maniac laughter*

TO BE CONTINUED.